we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Houston, we have a squirter
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
