The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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