Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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