she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
