Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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