I got chris browned last night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
