I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
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