SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
