i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
