halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
