She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
love makes seman taste better
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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