i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
