I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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