Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
