Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
