i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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