So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it glows. i had to have it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
