You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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