Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
