Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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