I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
