I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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