My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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