Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
