my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
