she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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