just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
