ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can feel your judgement through the phone
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize