I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
