she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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