TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
