One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
