I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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