I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
bring money and cleavage
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
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as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize