Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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