if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
