You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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