Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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