DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
