I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
