I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
