I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
