be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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