i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
