First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
