I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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