wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
