hotel room ftw
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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