my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
