I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
