My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
