If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
