...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
