I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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