one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm eating all of the evidence.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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