No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
