I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
