who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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