I got chris browned last night
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
