I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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