How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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