I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize