My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
