so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
