Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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