yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
