Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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