i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
