I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
