he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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