Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
