if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
