Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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