the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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