Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
