Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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