If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Come on in and take your pants off
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