Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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