i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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